Networking – know, like, trust – really?

The 2 questions I get asked most are ‘do I analyse everyone I see around for me regarding their body language and appearance?’, the second is ‘does anyone really do that?’ in a workshop when I talk about some seemingly simple negative behaviour to avoid (people often look surprised I even mention it!) The answer to the first is ‘no’, I would go mad.

It would be like a builder analysing the quality of the build on every structure he passed! However, I do notice if someone is portraying themselves particularly negatively or positively. 

The answer to the second is yes there really are people that do present themselves in a way that hopefully many people would be surprised at, especially at networking meetings. Based on these 2 questions, I thought it was worth sharing my experience from a recent networking event.

Firstly, because I definitely did remember some people for the wrong reasons and secondly, it really showed me that it is worth including things to avoid in my workshops as there really are mature, experienced people out there engaging in them.

So to set the scene, I was at a networking breakfast. The setting was a well-known bank’s HQ with coffee and pastries on offer, so relatively corporate. The agenda was a talk from a blogging expert sandwiched by informal networking. I should say upfront that the event was worth going to and was very well hosted (genuinely and just in case the host reads this!).

As I entered the room, it was clear I needed to collect my badge. Now I know that people sometimes laugh at the British culture of queueing but it is a very well-known and generally respected behaviour. So culprit number one who we will mention briefly and call ‘the slider’ is the first to be featured in my things to avoid list, by you guessed it, jumping the badge queue.

Clearly he had spotted the pastries! Not a good behaviour anywhere but certainly not in a room full of people that you are hoping to engage positively with. He neatly side stepped to move in front of me, searching in his bag – potentially to distract from the fact that he was queue jumping. I don’t know about you but absence of basic manners certainly wouldn’t encourage me to engage with someone.

After ‘the slider’ experience, I made my way to get a drink, thinking I’d leave a pastry until later so I could leave a hand free to meet people. As I glanced over at the pastry table, I saw multiple examples of our next culprit, ‘the piler’.

I could not believe how many people had piled their plates with 3 or 4 pasties…I’m sure you’d agree this is selfish as it means some people in the room may not get even one and it clearly shows what their priority was – eating the free breakfast! I love food very much and understand being hungry but if you really want to eat 3 or 4 pastries then at least be discrete about it and take one at a time!

Next up is a lady we will refer to as ‘the hand stabber’ and she is my abiding memory from the event. I was talking to two women in an ‘open’ group so clearly leaving space for someone else to join.

However, as I often emphasise in my workshops, it is how you join a group that is key. The ‘hand stabber’s’ method, I would definitely advise against. She strode up to the 3 of us and without a word in advance, without a handshake, a smile or eye contact proceeded to shove her card into each of our hands… I often think I am unshockable with networking event happenings as I attend lots of different events and run workshops on effective networking.

However, her style was the second behaviour ever to shock me (the first being the man who kissed me on the hand whilst acknowledging my wedding ring, having only spoken to me for 2 minutes). It wasn’t just the action but the way it was done and the total absence of other more positive behaviours to accompany it. I would always recommend that a business card should be offered after some conversation and acknowledgement that there may be value in a further conversation.

Clearly ‘the hand stabber’ had never heard the mantra of ‘know, like and trust’ as good networking practice. Whilst I am not claiming that many people go networking purely to meet new people or to escape the office, it is really important that relationship building is the number one goal of attending any event. It is only when you engage with people and listen to them that you give yourself a genuine chance of generating business from the meeting.

I should say that I agreed to talk to ‘the hand stabber’ after the talk. I felt a bit guilty as I did get talking to the person next to me immediately after but ‘the hand stabber’ proceeded to interrupt that conversation asking ‘can we talk now?’. My reply was when I had finished the conversation I was having, I felt like I was talking to a 5 year old child, not an experienced adult trying to advertise her hotel.

The lady I happened to be talking to had had the same ‘hand stabber’ experience earlier and made a comment about the negative reputation she would give her hotel. Mutterings about ‘people buy people’ followed… Negative beginnings are very hard to reverse, whether at networking, in a sales meeting or at an interview so that first impression is key. Even once I had spoken to ‘the hand stabber’ and she had offered me a free afternoon tea at her hotel (very nice I’m sure as it is in Kensington), her behaviour made me want to run a mile and even if I do decide I need a room for my event in November, it won’t be at her hotel!

Read my complete guide to networking at events.

I hope this story has brought a smile to your face and also backed up the point that seemingly experienced corporate people do exhibit less than ideal behaviours. These severely damage their personal impact and in all likelihood their success at building relationships at networking and thus lessening the amount of business they could be generating.

Whilst these behaviours may seem extreme and ridiculous, we all have unconscious behaviours and an area of ourselves where we lack awareness so it is worth thinking about how we could improve the impression we make.

This is particularly relevant when we are out to engage new prospects and persuade them to know, like and trust us!